i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
