i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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