Apparently you make a good broom.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
