i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
