the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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