You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
