No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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