i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
