I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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