Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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