I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
