you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We had to coat check the pizza.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
