i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
