So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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