I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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