Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
