Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
