dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
