my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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