Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
