We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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