It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
