Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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