I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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