just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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