OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
