would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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