so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
