I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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