I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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