Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
