Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i've created a new STD.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
