We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
