he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
