summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
