I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
