Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
