You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
