Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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