just come out here and I will go home with you...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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