What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
