i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I look better un-naked...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
