Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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