somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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