Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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