so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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