so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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