True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
