so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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