Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
