I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
