I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
